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Thread: "Damn you, Commons!" - Helix's lair for Arc-V parody scripts

  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelixReactor View Post
    Carly Nagishiti
    Sneaky little bastard.

    Clever.

  2. #92
    Registered User Icematoro's Avatar
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    A reporter that isn't Melissa?! Is that even possible?!!!!
    Now known as [SMod]Icematoro on Devpro, yet I still don't speak in the name of it's staff.#222937 secret tem!

  3. #93
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Melissa is too busy being dead :P

    In any case, any thoughts regarding this different not so scripty approach? :3

    Again, this won't be a permanent thing.

    Personally, I'd like to write a bit more this way, but it's important for me to know the general interest.


    Now, for a bit of self-assessment:
    I guess there's no need to repeat that it's not a common Commons script. If anything, it's just a slightly more sober version of it. It doesn't fill 7 to 10 pages of a Google Document, but quantity-wise, I'm satisfied by this first attempt, and if I happen to make more of these, I think I'll be setting these current results as my standard value. Quality-wise.. I'm not sure if I can be the judge of that. Overall, the writing style may still be a bit too dialogue-ish for what the text is supposed to be (a newspaper article). It doesn't personally bother me, but still, it's something that may need to be reconsidered.

  4. #94
    Registered User Icematoro's Avatar
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    The style really works as filler, you didn't Risk ruining the Sergey vs Jack result by playing around the rest, and it has enough jokes to keep it from being tedious.

    As a permanent thing, I don't know if it fits, but as a transition, I'd say it's perfect... Now, we're getting close to the XYZ Arc D=
    Now known as [SMod]Icematoro on Devpro, yet I still don't speak in the name of it's staff.#222937 secret tem!

  5. #95
    Registered User Mystic TimeKeeper's Avatar
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    The "Shiti" Times reads way too close to the "Shitty" Times, was the pun intentional?

    Anyway, these scripts are a real gold mine of jokes, keep up the good work!
    (This post is always treated as a "Personal Opinion" post.)

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic TimeKeeper View Post
    The "Shiti" Times reads way too close to the "Shitty" Times, was the pun intentional?
    It always is.

  7. #97
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Special Edition #2

    *Cough cough* *cough cough*

    Good gravy, there's so much dust in here >.<

    But I can't vacuum it all in one shot this time; after all, Yuya vs Jack is still going on (thanks, ping pong...). So instead, here's a Special Edition o3o

    In any case, I hope you'll enjoy the read ^_^


    ---




    Special Edition #2



    An everlasting crisis, furthermore extended by table tennis games

    It has been over a real world month now since the riot of the Commons has begun. The latters’ progress in taking over the Shiti is getting undeniably noticeable, and so does the destruction they’re spreading across their path.

    “I promise we’ll fix all of this when this is over.”, excitedly claims a Common while smashing his own house’s windows. “We’ll have the best workmen rebuild our Shiti anew, and this time, us Commons won’t have to do a thing!”

    After explaining to him that the best - if not only - available workmen are part of the Commons, he immediately ceased his actions, as if he was in a state of shock. Not that we can blame him; Commons aren’t known to be very smart, after all.

    “You think very lowly of us”, screams at us the self-proclaimed leader of this riot, Shinji “Will I still be relevant next arc?” Weber, “Will you please stop bothering us with your questions, and let us do our noble mission in peace?” (he does not seem to comprehend that we are trying to doing our job) “I didn’t want to hurt you, but if you’ll keep annoying us, I will have to use brute fo-”

    At that point, we decided to imppasively walk away from him, much to his distraught:

    “No, wait! Please don’t go! I need attention!”

    To the risk of repeating ourselves, the Commons aren’t very smart people. But to be fair, the Tops’ side doesn’t seem to be doing any better at the moment:

    Immediately after the rebellion started, numerous Security officers have been deployed all across the Shiti, and were either agressively arresting every Common standing in their way as they usually do, or making human barriers to prevent the access to the most important infrastructures, but that were very easily bypassable by any airborne-themed Deck user.

    But something felt odd about their behaviour, as they often suddenly leave their current posts to go secure other locations, regardless of how bad the situation is going in their former positions. Even more concerning: while (debatably efficiently) performing their duties, they have never boasted about their skills, which is very un-Security-like. As if they were truly being serious for once. But could it be something else?

    Those doubts were only further increased when all of the officers all across the Shiti suddenly entered a state of frenzy and ran away. We managed to catch up with one of them, and asked them what was the matters:

    “I was in the Underground, torturing a few prisoners that didn’t manage to escape the place”, he answered while heavily sweating, “but then… I was here, doing my job, suddenly realizing that I had responsabilities… It was terrifying!”

    Although the Commons are glad that the Security aren’t blocking their way anymore, they can’t help but feeling uneasy about this:

    “This was easy… too easy”, says a Common, “They had the most advanced Solid Vision in their hands, and they were still scared by sign posts. I wonder how they would’ve reacted if we wrote something other than “No” on these things. Oh well. At least, we can keep on walking now.”

    “Yeah, about that...” interfered another Common, “Where are we going exactly?”

    “I dunno. The Security Office, maybe? But we don’t know where that is. Let’s just ask Shinji.”

    Unfortunately for them, “Will I still be relevant next arc?” was too busy being butthurt to answer their question.

    As the mystery of the suddenly coward policemen was still unresolved, we decided to redirect our questions to the Security director himself, Jean-Michel Roger. We managed to contact him via a video conference:

    “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY LEFT?!! WHY CAN’T I KEEP ANYTHING UNDER MY CONTROL?! FIRST, SERGEY FAILS, AND THEN HE FAILS AGAIN, AND THEN HE FAILS…. AGAIN! WHY WAS I EVEN TRUSTING THE GUY AFTER HIS FIRST FAILURE ANYWAY!! AND NOW… THIS?!!”

    We asked him to calm down, but that only made him go even more out of control:

    “WHAt dO yOU MEaN, YOU wANT To cAlM DOwN! I Am pERfEcTly fINE!”, he screamed while pouring himself a cup of coffee then drinking directly from hIs Thermoshiti, “yOu tHINK YOu cAN SAy wHaTEVEr yOU WAnt jUST BeCaUSe yOU’rE sAFe bEHINd yOuR SCrEeN aND YoUr InTeRnEt. WhY DOn’T YOu COmE TO MY OFfIcE AnD say THaT dIReCTlY TO MY fAcE? I ReFusE TO cOnTINUe thIs InTeRvIEW oThErwISE!! ”

    Unfortunately, due to my own irrational fear of getting thrown off the highest floor of a building by a mysterious/crazy organization leader, we had to put an end to this discussion. We could however get in contact with his closest assistant, and we asked her if there was anything positive left to mention regarding this whole matter.

    “Well… I guess I’m not just a script character now?”, she shrugged.

    Later that day, Roger’s body was found lifeless. He was suffering from an occipital hemorrhage. According to the autopsy, he was also suffering from a severely intense arterial hypertension, a few hours prior to his death.

    In the meantime, a foreign organization known as the Lancers, with the help of its own materialized sentient Duel Monsters, seems to have taken over the positions of the missing Security officers in order to restrain the Commons.

    “The one time I am relevant in this arc, I end up blocking people while I’m in Attack Position!”, grumbles the Superheavy Samurai Big Ben-K.

    “Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”, adds the Superheavy Samurai Horaga-E while floating in the air.

    “Nevermind him”, says one of the Lancers, Gongenzaka Noboru, “He thinks he’s helping.”

    “I’m not sure any of us actually is helping right now”, retorts Sawatari Shingo, “We aren’t even in a straight line!”

    “Too Late! I won’t move from my spot now!”

    The Lancer’s contribution may or may not be useful, but for the time being, the most efficient way to deal with this riot is Jack Atlus’ Red Dragon Archfiends’ unintentional triggering of volcanic-like eruptions in the streets, burning alive an important number of protesters.

    On my part, I personally think that the situation here is near hopeless. And even if things do end up turning for the better, my interest in this place is lost. I want to move out, to another country, or even better, to another world ■

    Carly Nagishiti

  8. #98
    Registered User Pendulum's Avatar
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    “No, wait! Please don’t go! I need attention!”
    I can imagine Shinji saying this.

    "As if they were truly being serious for once."
    The incongruities of this show... Seriously.


    "the most efficient way to deal with this riot is Jack Atlus’ Red Dragon Archfiends’ unintentional triggering of volcanic-like eruptions in the streets, burning alive an important number of protesters."
    Yeah... How can this ever work?...

    I can't help but to read this with a smile on my face, only stopped by frequent laughs.
    So comical, Helix, as usual hahahah!
    Will we have another Special Edition next time? I like this journal-themed script.
    Surprise us!

  9. #99
    Registered User Icematoro's Avatar
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    Meanwhile, somewhere with Grass.
    Spoiler Alert!
    Now known as [SMod]Icematoro on Devpro, yet I still don't speak in the name of it's staff.#222937 secret tem!

  10. #100
    Registered User Mystic TimeKeeper's Avatar
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    About damn time we got another one of these...

    “I was in the Underground, torturing a few prisoners that didn’t manage to escape the place”, he answered while heavily sweating, “but then… I was here, doing my job, suddenly realizing that I had responsabilities… It was terrifying!”
    Damn it, this was way too fun! Brilliant!
    (This post is always treated as a "Personal Opinion" post.)

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