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Thread: "Damn you, Commons!" - Helix's lair for Arc-V parody scripts

  1. #21
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Oh, I see

    Sorry if I'm a bit slow. I guess it's part of the joy of being still awake at 3AM. Either that or it's my natural slowness. Or both. Yeah, probably both >.>

  2. #22
    Registered User Hope in the Interstice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelixReactor View Post
    Oh, I see

    Sorry if I'm a bit slow. I guess it's part of the joy of being still awake at 3AM. Either that or it's my natural slowness. Or both. Yeah, probably both >.>
    Ain't your fault. It's the fault of this website.

  3. #23
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    I say don't worry about consistent characterization (or even continuity, for that matter), since it's just a parody of the show. Can keep the possibilities open to reflect moods of characters in different episodes to hilarious extremes.

  4. #24
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Got it. I'll leave the characters' personalities as flexible as possible, so that the plot can mess up with their minds as much as it can. But I'll try to keep a light portion of their traits "fixed", just so that they can be somewhat identifiable.

  5. #25
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Episode 76 (Part1)

    Welp, sorry for the delays for this one, although I'm technically still on time, but still.

    Anyway, from the summary and preview of this episode, there really wasn't much to talk about. This, for some reason, resulted in one stupidly big pile of nonsense...

    Part 2 will be up in an hour so. After posting it, I'll be going to question my sanity.. >.>

    In any case, I hope you'll enjoy the read :3

    ---


    (The episode starts with Dennis being carried by the Hypocrisy Cup’s staff. He slowly regains his consciousness, but he is still in a fuzzy state, and starts hearing the voices of the Lancers)

    Yuya: How could you, Dennis?!

    Dennis: ...Huh? What’s happening? Y-Yuya? Why are you here? I can’t see you.. where are you?

    Yuya: How dare you do this to me, Dennis? I thought we were friends!

    Dennis: Oh.. That… Yeah… no, we’re not. I’m a spy. All of this was just an act…

    Yuya: What about your Duel performances? You making your audience Egao? Was that also an act?

    Dennis: Well, yeah, that’s what stage performances are..

    Yuya: What about my father? Aren’t you a big fan of his work?

    Dennis: Again. I’m a spy. I just needed to get closer to you. I couldn’t care less about that guy…

    Shun: How come you, an agent of Academia, use Xyz Summoning?

    Dennis: As if I wanted to! But I kinda needed to get closer to you too. Y’know, being a spy and all.. Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying?

    Shun: Where is Ruri?!

    Dennis: She’s in Academia. We’ve already been through this. Besides, I thought you already knew that. Next!

    Gongenzaka: I, OTOKO GONGENZAKA, knew from the beginning that you weren’t one of us!

    Dennis: No. No you didn’t.

    Sora: CANDY!

    Dennis: Sora? What are you doing here?

    Sora: I’ll just be taking back my main character’s best friend spot now that you’ll be gone.

    Dennis: Me? Gone? Ha! Don’t make me laugh! You can’t just come and steal the spotlight I stole from you! I’m Dennis Macfield! I’m the Spotlight Stealer!

    Futoshi: SHIVIRERUUUU!

    Dennis: Argh! Who are you? Who even are you? Just get out of my head! … *Sigh* … What a day…

    (Long moment of silence, then)

    Yuya: How could you, Dennis?!

    Dennis: What?! This again?!

    Yuya: How dare you do this to me, Dennis? I thought we were friends!

    Dennis: What is even happening here? Is anyone listening to me?

    (Another voice suddenly echoes)

    ???: It’s no use, Dennis. No one can hear you here.

    Dennis: What is it now? Who is it now? Oh! You’re…. You’re…

    ???: Yes, Dennis. I am the entity that you mortals refer to as…

    Dennis: You’re the old man that appears on the Solemn cards!

    ???: Huh? Well.. I suppose I do, yes. But first of all, I am…

    Dennis: Can I call you the Solemn Guy?

    Solemn Guy: ...Yeah, sure, whatever.

    Dennis: You don’t seem very happy about it..

    Solemn Guy: Well I’m sorry if unlike the other deities of your dimensions, I’m not some sort of dragon or epic beast.

    Dennis: But there’s the Nordic Gods.

    Solemn Guy: Oh, please. Nobody cares about the Nordic Gods.

    Dennis: Weren’t you on one of their cards?

    Solemn Guy: Indeed. And it was the second biggest mistake of my career. The first one being the conception of humanity.

    Dennis: Yeah yeah… So, what were we talking about again?

    Solemn Guy: Hmm?... Oh, yeah. It’s no use, Dennis. No one can hear you here. You are currently in a peculiar state of consciousness where spoken language is irrelevant. Instead, all actions you commit, emotions you feel, and speeches you express are translated into written words for the people you wish to communicate with.

    Dennis: So… If they can’t hear me… Can they at least read me?
    Solemn Guy: Why of course not! they’re Yu-Gi-Oh! players! Besides, this is all part of your imagination - you’re still in a coma!

    (Opening sequence)

    (One day later, in the Council’s chamber, Reiji and Reira are being surrounded by several Council officers)

    Reiji: Sooo… When are you good people going to let us go?

    Grey: Once Gael returns from the interrogation room after finishing asking his questions to the Academia agent you’ve brought to this world with you.

    Reiji: And why can’t I accompany him there?

    Azul: Don’t be silly. Knowing you, you would’ve done everything you can in order to interfere with the interrogation.

    Reiji: Oh. I’m impressed, you’ve seen right through my pla-

    Azul: Please be quiet.

    Reiji: Yes ma’am… … Uhm, ma’am? Can we at least watch how is the interrogation going through the cameras?

    Azul: I’m afraid it won’t be possible. There are no cameras in the prison cells and interrogation rooms of this palace.

    Reiji: What? That doesn’t make any sense at all!

    Bordeaux: Well, it isn’t the Council’s duty to arrest criminals. Isn’t that right, President?

    White Taki: Indeed. And we are not very familiar with the term “interrogation” either. It’s usually Roger’s job to go look for suious individuals and immediately throw them in jail or in Trash Town. Sometimes, he even make them go through both sanctions just because he feels like it, Besides, our entire video surveillance budget went into stalking our guests in the hotel rooms above us. Sometimes, when we feel like it, we upload a few of our recordings on Shititube and pretend there was a leak. These keep trending for weeks!

    Reiji: How convenient… The more I stay here, the more I fail to comprehend how this society even is supposed to be functionning…

    Azul: Did you say something, Mr. Akaba?

    Reiji: Err… Nothing, ma’am… Say, will your guards leave us alone for a short while if we want to go to the bathroom?

    Gray: They will follow you there, no. Do you really need to go, Mr. Akaba?

    Reiji: Yes I do. Will you come with me, Reira?

    Gray: Does your brother need to go to too?

    Reiji: Reira, do you need a bathroom break?

    Reira: Tsukikage…

    Reiji: Yes he does.

    Gray: Very well then. We’ll see you later. Please make it short.

    (Reiji and Reira leave the Coucil chamber alongside the guards. A few minutes later, Gael arrives)

    Azul: Back already? How was the interrogation?

    Gael: It was… painful...

    (Flashback transition)

    Gael: That’s enough, Macfield! You will me right now what is organization up to in our world!

    Dennis: YES! I’M DENNIS MACFIELD!

    Gael: I’m getting tired of this… One more time… What are the reason of your coming to what you people refer to as the Synchro Dimension?

    Dennis: YES! I’M DENNIS MACFIELD!

    Gael: If you say that one more time….

    Dennis: … … … YES! I’M DENNIS MACFIELD!

    (End of the flashback)

    Gael: Occasionally, he also start staring blankly and talk to himself.. He’s either still acting, or his duel against Kurosaki inflicted some severe brain damage to him. Perhaps questionning him as soon as he woke up from his coma was not a bright idea. In any case, I’m afraid I’ve lost my touch as a former police captain…

    Grey: Perhaps we should leave this matter to Roger? He was the one who wanted to take care of the Lancers at first, after all.

    White Taki: And that is exactly why we will not let him to do so.

    Grey: But why?

    White Taki: To prove a point.

    Bordeaux: Speaking of Roger, President. He’s sending us a new invitation…

    White Taki: *Sigh*... Again? This must be the eighth one since two days ago… Just ignore it like the rest.

    Bordeaux: As you want, President. But I’m afraid this will backfire on us eventually.

    White Taki: Don’t be ridiculous, Bordeaux. It’s just about a game. What can possibly go wrong?

    (Meanwhile, at Frenchwin’s office)

    Frenchwin: I hate those senile fools with a passion… Not only they do not let me arrest those Lancers guys, not only they do not want to admit that I was right about them after the events of last night, but they also keep refusing my Chessville invitations! I will make them pay for this! Sergey, come here this instant! In case things go wrong for me today, I would like you to give this present box to my wife. When you do, please tell her that I love her.

    Sergey: [Incomprehensible muttering]

    Frenchwin: … Yeah.. You can tell her that too, if you want. Hold on, I’ll just write her adress to you.. hmm… To Jeanne-Michelle Roger…… Paris, France, Academia Territory, Japan, Fusion Dimension. There you go. Now, let us not waste any more time. Computer! Enter Chess Mode immediately! Begin Operation: King’s Gambit!

    Computer: We are currently trying to find a player close to your skill level, Please wait…

    Frenchwin: *Sigh* This might take a while…
    Last edited by HelixReactor; 4th October 2015 at 04:51 AM.

  6. #26
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    If I may abridge your Episode 75 in light of the actual release:

    *shitty 777th Episode opening*

    [MECHANICAL BIRD SHRIEKING]
    RURIIIIIII


    *boom*

    *ending*

  7. #27
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Episode 76 (Part2)

    I guess that's pretty much it, yeah

    And now, for the second part of Episode 76. I must warn you again: This is where things start getting really weird.

    Enjoy nontheless :3


    ----

    (Meanwhile, at Dennis’ cell)

    Dennis: What is this place? A prison for Tops? It’s a luxurious hotel suit! I should get arrested here more often.. Perhaps they expect me to start talking if they treat me well enough. How naive. The only thing that would work against me is Academia’s Ritual Dungeon. Speaking of Academia, I should probably stop wandering around.. But how will I be able to escape..?

    (Suddenly, a dimensional portal is opened, revealing Yuri)

    Yuri: Hey.

    (Meanwhile, back at the Council’s chamber)

    White Taki: So, gentlemen, what should we be doing today?

    Azul: How about we do some actual work for once? You know, we kinda are the highest authority here, so we might as well use our influence to improve the life quality of our shitizens.

    White Taki: So… more taxes for the Commons?

    Azul: More taxes for the Commons.

    White Taki: Wonderful! Looks like we’re done for the day! Now I’ve got a compilation of that Shingo guy’s most ridiculous moments in the palace. Wanna upload them? Our channel has grown very popular lately.

    (Knock knock)

    Bordeaux: Who’s there?

    (Explosion, revealing an entire squad of Security officers and their Goyo monsters)

    Bordeaux: Explosion who?

    (Giant hologram of Frenchwin appears)

    Frenchwin: My, my, looks like you guys are under arrest.

    White Taki: What is the meaning of this, Roger?

    Bordeaux: I believe this is what we call a coup d’état. Isn’t that right, President?

    White Taki: … Thank you, Bordeaux. I haven’t noticed that. Look, Roger, if this is because of those invitations of yours, trust us, we really don’t have the time for them.

    Frenchwin: Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ve recently found new partners to play with.

    Azul: Don’t lie to us. We’ve noticed that you’ve made fake accounts for yourself.

    Frenchwin: Ugh… What I want to say is that I’m here for a different reason.

    Reiji: Guys, we’re back. For some reason, your agents didn’t wait too long for us. ..Oh, the security is here. Sorry for bothering you while you were working, we’ll come back a bit late-hold on a second. What is Goyo Guardian doing here?... Oh my whatever deity we’re supposed to be worshipping in this series, what is happening here?!

    Frenchwin: I’m asking for one simple thing: I would like to take custody of Dennis Macfield.

    White Taki: No can do, sorry.

    Frenchwin: Oh? That’s unfortunate. In that case, I’ll be taking your position as President of the Council by force.

    White Taki: Oh yeah? Go on and try to do that.

    Reiji: Guys! Guys! There’s a better way to resolve this conflict!

    Frenchwin: Oh? And what is solution of yours? Is it something that is unknown to us, the people of the City.

    Reiji: Normally no, but considering how messed up your society is… Anyway, just hear me out..

    (The next day)

    October 4, 10:00
    Shiti Court
    Courtroom No. 1

    (Audience speaking)

    (Gavel Pound)

    Melissa: People of the Shiti, good morning! This is Melissa Claire, and if you were hoping that during the past duel, the chains would hit me on the face, well too bad for you! And today, we’ll be doing something very different, as we will be making commentaries on the progress of a trial! And what is a “trial”, you may ask? That’s a very good question! People of the Shiti, I am very happy to announce to you that our beloved Shiti has a juridical system, whatever that means! The trial has already started. May the best player wins! And remember! The Shiti is one; we’re all frie-

    Jack: Can someone please make this woman shut up? Thank you. Court is now in session for the trial of Dennis Macfield… Yeah, I don’t know what that means. To make it short, there’s this guy called Dennis who has done very bad things, and it’s up to me to decide if he needs to go to the Council’s prison or the Security’s prison.

    Common#1: What’s this “Council” he’s talking about?

    Common#2: Is it an organization with a higher authority than the Security?

    Top#1: Hold on. Does that also mean that there’s a higher social class than the Tops?

    Top#2: You mean, people that are richer than us?

    Top#1: Indeed. They must be looking down at us from above the clouds and treating us like pieces of trash..

    Top#2: I hate them so much…

    White Taki: Perhaps it wasn’t a wise idea to make this trial open to the public… Or to let Jack Atlas be the judge...

    Reiji: Well, isn’t he technically the third highest authority here?

    Jack (Gavel pounding x 3): Order! Order in the Court!... Hey! This is fun! Anyway, I need to let the representative of each party talk now. Frenchwin, you can make your speech now.

    Frenchwin: It’s Mr. Roger, your Honor…

    Jack: I’m pretty sure it’s Frenchwin.

    Frenchwin: Your Honor, my name is Jean-Michel Roge-

    Jack: I wonder what will happen if you contradict me again..?

    Frenchwin: ...Very well, your Honor, my King… Mr. Dennis Macfield is accused of several infractions, such as crimes against humanity, Spotlight Stealing, and the most hideous of them all, the making of the 777 Opening. This might sound impossible, but our Security Office has dealt in the past with much more serious atrocities, This is why I believe that by keeping Dennis Macfield in our custody, we will be able to make him reveal to us the true motives of the organization he takes part in known as Academia, then inflict to him the most fitting punishment to pay for his corruption.

    Jack: Not cardgames for one week?

    Roger: Two weeks.

    Jack: Ooooh! Fair enough. Anyway, I thought that you guys had only one job: making Commons play CARDGAMES ON MOTORCYCLES on TV, then throw them in jail.

    Roger: Well, your Honor, our duties are far more diverse than that. You see-

    Jack: Yeah, whatever. Now I have to hear what the Council’s representative has to say.

    Bordeaux: So this is where I need to start speaking and defend our cause. Isn’t that right, President?

    White Taki: I swear, Bordeaux, if you screw this up…

    Bordeaux: It reminds me of the good old times where I used to study the law. I was so happy to become a defense attorney.

    White Taki: I shouldn’t have let you represent us today…

    Bordeaux: I also remember the day where you banned me from the Order of Attorneys. In fact, my career only lasted a few minutes. Isn’t that right, President?

    White Taki: (facepalms repeatedly)

    Bordeaux: It’s because you were jealous of me. Isn’t that right, President?

    White Taki: ...I’ve made a terrible mistake…

    Jack: Enough of this nonsense! I’m ready to make my decision now. I think that De-

    (Suddenly, a dimensional portal appears, revealing both Yuri and Dennis)

    Yuri: Hey.

    (Sudden explosion, setting the court on fire - Dennis and Yuri are nowhere to be seen anymore)

    Jack: Oh, you can do that too? I have a similar power! TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREEEEEEEE

    (Fast forward to the Council’s Chamber)

    TV announcer: Thankfully, the building was entirely evacuated before that it suddenly implodes. There were therefore no casualties, except for Melissa Claire, And in other news-

    Frenchwin: *Sigh* What a day… Well then, Mr. President? What shall we do? Shall we pretend that today never happened, and that I have never tried to take you down?

    White Taki: … ... For my own mental health safety, let’s pretend so, yeah.

    Frenchwin: Splendid! Well then, I’ll see you tomorrow. (leaves)

    Bordeaux: Does this mean we won, President?

    White Taki: Please… Let’s not talk about this anymore…

    Bordeaux: No need to worry about it. It’s time to throw some confettis to celebrate our victory now. Isn’t that right, President?

    (End of the episode)
    Last edited by HelixReactor; 4th October 2015 at 04:58 AM.

  8. #28
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    Couldn't help but notice a handful of typos here and there, but I didn't see the whole Judge Jack thing coming.

    Only problem is that TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREE-- *boom* doesn't quite work because Team Satisfaction isn't a thing this time. Ah well!

  9. #29
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNfiniTe Se7eNz View Post
    Couldn't help but notice a handful of typos here and there, but I didn't see the whole Judge Jack thing coming.

    Only problem is that TESTING TESTING ONE TWO THREE-- *boom* doesn't quite work because Team Satisfaction isn't a thing this time. Ah well!
    Okay, I went on a Typo Hunt. This should make them at least less remarkable for the time being >.<

    You forgot that Jack's destruction abilities know no boundaries

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelixReactor View Post
    Okay, I went on a Typo Hunt. This should make them at least less remarkable for the time being >.<

    You forgot that Jack's destruction abilities know no boundaries
    Scrap Fist seemed like a pretty effective boundary, though...

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