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Thread: "Damn you, Commons!" - Helix's lair for Arc-V parody scripts

  1. #221
    Registered User HelixReactor's Avatar
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    Episode 146

    The end is coming near. Here's what will most likely be the final script of the Arc-V era.

    I hope you'll enjoy the read ^_^


    Narrator: Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh! Rushed V:

    Shun: Bring me back my big sis!!

    Leo: I’m sorry, she can’t be brought back… I should’ve thought of my daughter’s pieces as actual human beings before I start this ridiculously convoluted plan…

    Shun: I instantly forgive you.

    Leo: Oh, really? Well, I don’t know I can make up for all of this, but--

    Shun (Suddenly grabbing Leo by his throat): Silly Leo. Do you really think you can take away my big sis from me, and get away with it this easily? … Leo? Are you still listening to me? … Whoops, I may have accidentally snapped his neck. Did ya see that, big sis?

    Everyone else:

    Shun: … I made myself sad…

    Narrator: Back to the episode.

    (Episode starts with Jack Atlus being Jack Atlus)

    Jack: SAKAKI YUYA!!

    Edo (from the other side of the portal): SUMAIRU WALDO!!

    Yuya: … Can we continue this discussion somewhere else, or at least quiet it down?

    Jack: Nonsense! I, JACK ATLUS, never keep my discussions a secret from anyone! I, JACK ATLUS, do not have an indoor voice for that anyway! ‘tis the only thing that I, JACK ATLUS, do not possess!

    Yuya: Okay. So what do you want?

    Jack: SAKAKI YU--

    Yuya: Okay, I get that part.

    Jack: I, JACK ATLUS. challenge you to a Riding Duel!

    Yuya: Sorry, not interested.

    Jack: What?! How dare you?! You can’t refuse my challenge! You are the King!!

    Yuya: I’m fairly certain that title stopped having any meaning by the end of the Synchro Arc. And even if I still was the King, I just refused your challenge, so that makes you the King now. Aren’t you happy?

    Jack: … Oh. Okay then. See ya later, bye!

    (Opening sequence, suddenly interrupted by Jack)

    Jack: Hold on a second! This isn’t what I came here for!!

    Yuya: Dude, I have no reason to Duel you right now. I’m doing a Lancers Tour. And I’m only doing it because Reiji told me so. For that matter, I don’t really get the reason behind it, but I trust Reiji to know what’s going on here.

    Reiji (looking away): Hum… Sure… Let me check the plan again…

    (Reiji turns on his Duel Disk and reads the plan)

    1)Take care of baby Reira, even though it’s technically just baby Z-Arc, because Reira expelled his own soul when assimilating Z-Arc’s.
    2)Have Yuya Duel all of the Lancers, even though Serena is missing. (Note: Should Reira also count in this one?)
    3)Bring smile to baby Z-Arc, because that’ll apparently bring Reira back (Notes: If Reira is brought back, what happens to Z-Arc’s soul? If Reira is brought back, does he turn into his normal age again? If baby Z-Arc makes a psychotic smile, will it be enough to bring back Reira, or will it permanently prevent Reira from coming back? Does bringing back Reira’s smile also bring back the rest of his emotions?)

    Reiji (mumbling to himself): This is ridiculous… Who wrote this...?

    Leo (in a questionably alive state): I love you, son...

    Yuya: So, either you give me a good reason to Duel you, or I’ll be going back home.

    Jack: With this attitude of yours, you’re not going to save anyone!

    Yuya: I’m just following the plan here…

    Jack: I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about your fear of using your dragons!

    Yuya: What are you talking about? I’ve been using Odd-Eyes all this time!

    Jack: Oh… But… Yeah! Your others dragons! You’re afraid of using those, right?!

    Yuya: I don’t have other dragons!

    (Pendulum starts swinging)

    Yuya: Or maybe I do, now? Is there something else I should know? How do I make this thing recover all of my memories at once? Why did I have to forget everything to begin with anyway?! In any case, I’m not afraid of using the other dragons.

    Jack: Prove it, then!

    Yuya: Sure. My next Duel should be with Reiji, so if you’d like to come with me--

    Jack (slamming his leg on the ground like a spoiled brat): But… I want you to Duel again meeee!

    Yuya: Okay, fine! But I don’t have a D-Wheel, so it’ll just be regular Action Due--

    Jack: Don’t worry! I’ve brought your D-Wheel with me!!

    Yuya: Huh? But how?! Didn’t I leave that thing in the middle of the road…? Ugh. It doesn’t matter, let’s get this over with quickly… So, where do you want us to do this?

    Jack: Come with me! (Rides into the portal)

    (Yuya follows Jack into the portal)

    Jack: We’ll be doing this, here! In this Dimensional Highway!


    Jack: … What?

    Yuya: … Nevermind me.

    Jack: Okay then…

    Yuya: Something’s bothering me though, about this whole place...Because of Arc-V, there’s a single portal to other dimensions in every world, but the “highway” itself is completely straightforward. So how come we always get to a different - and to the right one, for that matter - if we’re always following the same route?

    Jack: I dunno. Thinking makes my head hurt. All I want right now is to Duel you!

    Melissa: People of the Shiti, and the whole world, good afternoon! It is I, Melissa Claire! And I’m gonna miss you all so much very soon....

    Yuya: Ugh… Why is she here?

    Melissa: Today we’re broadcasting all around the worlds a Riding Duel in one of the most unusual fields!

    Yuya: Does it really need to be a Riding Duel? I mean, the whole “highway” is really just a five minute walk…

    Melissa: It’ll be a rematch between our Friendship Cup Finalists: Sakaki Yuya, aaaand… Jack Atlus! The winner becomes the King of the new united world!

    Yuya: And the loser gets thrown into the sun, right?

    Melissa: Uhm… What?

    Yuya: Nothing~~

    Melissa: … … This is an amazing idea!!

    Yuya: … Right, I forgot you Synchro Dimension folks are completely nuts…

    Melissa: Now then, without further ado! Riding Duel: Acceleration!

    Reiji (carefully watching the Duel): It’s a good thing I’ve installed cameras all over the dimensional void. Huh… I wonder how I did that…?

    Sora: It’s nice to be able to watch a Duel between Yuya and Jack, since we had to skip on that during the Synchro Arc, isn’t that right, Shun? … Shun?

    (Shun wasn’t watching the Duel. Instead, he was just scrolling through an photo album on his Duel Disk.)

    Sora: Shun, what are you doing?

    Shun: Just looking at pictures of me and my big sis when we were still babies.

    Sora: Shun, how many times do we have to tell you that you’ve never actually spent any time with Ruri when you were a child… (Glances at Shun’s Duel Disk) Shun, those are all fanart.

    Shun: Yeah, I know. It’s a very welcome change from all the brainwashed Ruri pics I had to go through back during the Doktor’s subplot… You sick bastards…

    Asuka: You must understand that the Professor needed to find back his daughter at all costs…

    Shun: Shut up, and let me enjoy myself, for once!

    Sora: Asuka, what’s with your sudden change of heart over the Professor?

    Shun: More importantly: Why are you even here? You add nothing to the story!

    Asuka: I dunno. I’ve been told I had certain assets that would hopefully distract the viewers from all the incoherences in the current plot. I’m not sure what they’ve meant by that.

    (Meanwhile, back to the Duel)

    Jack: Yuya! Why aren’t you Summoning your dragons yet?!

    Yuya: Oh, I don’t know, Jack! Could it possibly be because of those floodgate cards you have on your side of the field?

    Jack: That’s the point, Yuya! In order to overcome your fears, you need to find a way to go around my cards’ effects!

    Yuya: Huh. That’s actually pretty deep, coming from you. But I’ll pass. The cards I have in my hand should be more than enough to defeat you.

    Jack: Use your goddamn dragons, Yuya!!

    Yuya: Ugh.., Fine, fine… (Picks up an Action Card and activates it without even looking at it) Action Magic: Lazy Cyclone. Now your floodgate cards are destroyed, or whatever.

    Jack: Yuya… That’s just Evasion…

    Yuya: As if anyone cares.

    (Jack’s cards get destroyed anyway)

    (Yuya’s pendant starts swinging)

    (Yuya suddenly finds himself in a completely blank world)

    Yuya: H-Huh? Where am I…?


    Yuya: Oh. I must be inside my own head. Hi, Yuto.

    Yugo: Ugh… Isn’t there a way to make him shut up…? And him! (points at Yuri) Why is he here? Why did you invite him?!

    Yuya: I should be the one asking questions here! Besides, it doesn’t look like Yuri’s planning to do any harm.

    (It looked like Yuri was scribbling something on a notebook.)

    Yugo: Oh? What are you writing? Lemme see. (Snatches the notebook out of Yuri’s hands)

    Yuri (tearing up): H-Hey…!

    Yugo: Hmm? What is this? Are you making a comic book? Hey, is this… us? Are you making a story about us?

    Yuri: (Nods head timidly)

    Yugo: Let’s see here… Genesis Omega Dragon… Adam Factor.... Eve Factor… You know, you really need to stop making up terms like that, if you’re not going to bother explaining them. Also, the whole thing feels really rushed.

    Yuri: Hey…

    Yugo: It’s okay, you’re still new at this. Here, I’ll help you out. (Sits down next to Yuri.)

    Yuya: Looks like the beginning of a new fiendship. (Suddenly finds himself back in the real world) Well that lead absolutely nowhere! Still, now that Jack’s cards are gone, I can…

    (Yuya summons all of the Dimensional Dragons)

    Jack: That’s right, Yuya! You finally did it! But now, it’s my turn to bring out my strongest cards! Synchro Summon! Come, Level 12, Unimpressive Nova Dragon!!

    Yuya: … Why “Unimpressive”..?

    Jack: Well everyone has a lame Level/Rank 12 upgrade of their ace now! I, JACK ATLUS, will not fall behind on that trend!

    Yuya: If you say so… In any case, time to use that broken Starve Venom/Clear Wing Combo! Starve Venom, you’ll bring back Reira’s smile, right?

    Starve Venom: I promise nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! D:

    (Jack’s Life Points fall down to 0)

    (Jack falls off the route)


    Jack: Don’t look down on me, Yuya! Now, keep driving until you’ve reached your next challenge!

    Yuya: Never! I’ll save you, Jack! Quick, Starve Venom!

    Starve Venom: I’m on it!

    (Starve Venom flies in the direction of the exit)

    Yuya: H-Huh? Wait, where are you going that way? Jack’s right here…!

    Starve Venom (coming back): It’s just that I had a better idea~~

    Melissa (trapped inside one of Strave Venom’s flower-thingies): L-Let me go immediately! I’m a very important TV personality, you know?

    Starve Venom: Okay!

    (Starve Venom throws Melissa into the Dimensional Void, which for some reason triggers an explosion strong enough to eject Jack back into the lane.)

    (A little later, in the Pendulum Dimension)

    Reiji: Very well, Yuya. Now that you’ve defeated the rest of the Lancers--

    Yuya: But what about Serena? And does Reira count or…?

    Reiji: Yeah, I dunno about that… The point is that your last remaining available challenger is me, your boss. I have high hopes that this Duel will be far more grandiose than our previous ones. Now, are you ready?

    Yuya: Yes. With this final Duel, I promise to bring back Reira’s smile, and to save Yuzu!

    Reiji: … Wait, didn’t you tell me that Hiragi Yuzu was trapped inside a giant balloon in my father’s lab?

    Yuya: … Oh god, you’re right...! I need to go save her right now! D:

    (End of the episode)

  2. #222
    Registered User Pendulum's Avatar
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    Sep 2015
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    Alright, reply to "Episodes 141-142":
    Hold on, I thought we were done with this one forever.
    I know, right?

    I know. I just want to see you drown while trying to use them.
    Ahahahah what?

    Sayaka: Don’t worry about that, Allen. I fixed them earlier for you so that that sort of accident never happens.

    in case some young girl wants to come over to my place and live there!
    ... Twisted.

    So much mistery. I wonder why too.

    Reira: (Reveals hair)

    Reiji: … That’s it. I’m done here…
    Ahah shock!

    Nakajima: Mister Reiji said we just need to cure her with Egao.

    Himika: That doesn’t make any sense!
    Hey, it seems to work.

    Oh yeah, this isn’t Standard anymore. It’s the Pendulum Dimension now.
    I can only see a facepalm after this.

    Himika: What?! What are we going to do with our school’s Fusion, Synchro, and Xyz classes then?!

    Nakajima: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
    This just went to a whole new level. .. .Again.

    I, OTOKO GONGENZAKA, find that recap episodes are unmanly! But I, OTOKO GONGENZAKA, am under contract. So I, OTOKO GONGENZAKA, will just pretend that everything’s fine…
    Sooo... Pretending is more manly than recapping is unmanly?... I guess?...

    Sawatari: Oh come on, recap episodes aren’t that bad! And we’ll be having fun in another tournament! You guys like tournaments, right? Remember the Friendship Cup?
    This is why Sawatary always loses.

    Well, you’re still here, so I don’t see why I wouldn’t be.

    Duelists locked in battle! Kicking the earth and dancing in the air alongside their monste--
    I actually forgot this was a thing.

    Hey Yuya! Remember that time where Mickey Mouse and that other Rankzanpakuto Duelist beat the hell out of you?

    Hey Tsukikage! Remember when your brother died here?
    Wooooow!! Burned.

    Yuya: Nah, I was more thinking of when he couldn’t stand seeing you being crushed by the Obelisk Force of all people.

    Tsukikage: …
    Yuya still has a piece of Z-Arc; I can see that.

    Ruri (Suddenly punching the Doktor in the face): ORA!
    @UltimateKuriboh, I get these references!

    Yuya: … That never happened…

    Shun: Yeah, but you wish it did! … I wish it did…
    This makes me laugh, seriously. Ahah very good.

    Young Sayaka: *Sigh* I wish I had a sister like that…

    I like Dennis.

    Leo: I don’t get it, everything looks fine on paper…
    *facepalm* So did Arc-V, I guess.

    We call an exorcist?
    It does makes sense.

    Ahah, Helix, it has been so long! Great script! You're still in shape! And I have more to read, I see. Just keep your art up!



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